God's Economy, or Why I Am Frustrated

My knees are healing nicely, for all of those who were as concerned as I was. ;) I do think I'm gonna have a pretty awesome scar on the left one in the shape of the continent of Africa (look at the picture below and tell me that's not what that looks like)!

A missionary was visiting our church today and said something that really crystallized for me a truth I have been struggling against. He was discussing his frustrations with ministry and said, "You know, efficiency in God's economy is just not the same as it is in ours." And I thought, "Amen. And that is why I am so frustrated, so much of the time." I have been more discouraged lately, or maybe more apt to get discouraged more quickly. I think all the stress of newness in my life (new city, new home, new job, new schedule, new hair color--just kidding) just makes my general intolerance for things "not going my way" more visible. Specifically, I was really excited in the spring because I felt like I had a renewed sense of hope for lots of things that I really believed (and continue to believe) were things that were important and valuable in God's eyes: the rebuilding of broken relationships; entering into and loving the Church; dealing with personal sin in my own life that I was just seeing; reaching out to my neighbors; working for justice; loving my roommates well. And then I got here and while many of these things have been phenomenal, I've also noticed over and over how each of my hopes has been let down--sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Sometimes I've been disappointed by situations out of my control; sometimes I've been hurt to realize that other people don't share my hopes; many times I've realized that my own hopes for change are short-lived when I'm faced with the brokenness of the world around me and the devastating reality of my own sin. I was getting to the point earlier this week when I realized I was having a hard time seeing the blessings around me, because I was just so overwhelmed with the disappointments. I even fell asleep a few nights ago gritting my teeth, muttering to God about how I knew I was supposed to be grateful for certain things, but I just couldn't be because they weren't enough, because He was not holding up His end of the bargain and helping me live out all these beautiful dreams that I thought He had for me. (Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning--Lord help me if they weren't!)

But what that missionary said just rang so true and reminded me that I need to humbly acknowledge that my beautifully-crafted plans (and my hopes in my own effort and goodness and dreams) do not dictate the ways in which God works, and that His work is not going to always occur in what I would consider the best, most efficient means. But I know so little, and He knows all things; my hope is so short-lived, and His goodness and redemptive power are endless; my excitement wanes, but His faithfulness continues throughout all generations. "For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men" (I Corinthians 1:25). Lord have mercy; I need a lot of it!