I'd love to say I'm feeling more joyful...

... especially after my last blog post, but this week it is hard. Tonight, I am heartbroken. The child at school that I have prayed for, wept for, tried to love probably more than any other child is leaving tomorrow morning. He is being sent to live with his father in another country, and I did not get to even say goodbye. The situation is complicated beyond words and this may really be what's best for him. I just don't know. But I am sad that it had to happen this way. I am sad for his mother and sister, who are saying goodbye to him at an incredibly tough moment. I am sad for his best friend at school who has had a terrible week, fearing that this was coming and now learning that it's reality. I am sad for him, and for ways he may be confused/frustrated/afraid/ignorant right now about his future. I am sad for me, probably mostly selfishly, that I do not get to see how the future develops for this child. I may never get to see it.

A few months ago, I asked this child how he got his name (I could guess, but it is spelled in a unique way and I wanted to hear his response), and he said very simply, "It means, 'God with us.'" That moment keeps playing through my head. I do not know how God is with us in this situation. I wish I could point to a way that I can clearly see redemption, but right now, I can't. Maybe some day I will, but I have to face the reality that I may not this side of heaven. God give me strength to believe and rest in a plan and in a love that is far beyond what I can see with this limited earthly vision. God be with us in the midst of the pain, when sometimes it's hard to see that He is.